What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
school has made you so classy.
that's mcgill. producing sluts since 1884.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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