I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Randomize