next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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