Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize