My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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