Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Randomize
