Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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