Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Randomize