funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Randomize
