I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
