24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
