I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Randomize
