You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Randomize
