I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Randomize
