I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
