she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
This baby is an asshole
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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