I faked an abortion last night.
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
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