I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
