I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
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