did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
One girl and one boy is just not enough.
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
Dear god my vagina.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize