Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
