I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
