Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
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