VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
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