I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
