I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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