she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Randomize
