I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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