did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
please come you make the beer taste better
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
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