I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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