drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
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