Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Randomize
