we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize
