I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize
