just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
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