Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Randomize
