then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
