I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
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