Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
Randomize
