Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
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