Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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