I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
