I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
Just pee around me
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
Randomize
