On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
i dont even know how to be here
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
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