well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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