For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
No...this little piggys going to the bar
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
