Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
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