WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
ugly people sure do ruin things
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
Randomize
