so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize
