We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
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