is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
so let's talk penis.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
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