I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
