I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
I cut my penus on the lid.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
I touched a dick in church today
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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