So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Please don't give away my fajitas
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Randomize
