i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
only you would photoshop your dick
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
