"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
Randomize
