I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
