I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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