It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Randomize
