Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
