dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Randomize
