College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
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