Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Randomize
