Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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