Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
