moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
