It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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