Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
