At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
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