YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
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