I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
Randomize
