guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Randomize
